My story is too long and too full to explain why, at 25 with a daughter who was eight, I had to apply for Food Stamps. Living in the city without a car meant Eva and I had to take several buses to the welfare office so we could apply for aid. It was one of those days were the guilt of being a bad person and a terrible mother overwhelmed me.
The decision to apply was a choice I made. I chose to ask for help, knowing I would be judged by those who had never walked in my shoes. I remember riding in the bus and trying to not cry, as Eva wondered why I was upset. I told her. I told her I couldn't feed us any longer. I didn't tell her it was because I had only a GED, and a "good job" was out of my reach. She always saw me as a momma who made sure we had what we needed. And I was not going to stop being that momma on that day.
Did you know you can be refused help? I was refused. I had no money, no car, did not receive child support and worked as a waitress, yet the man who was my case worker told me I was too pretty to need welfare. He told me I was certainly someones girlfriend, and certainly they took care of me. No sooner had those words left his lips, was I over his desk. I am not violent, but I was at the end of a very short tiny string of hope. I was not going to be accused of lying and cheating by that asshole.
Things calmed down and they brought in a woman who told me I would have to wait a few weeks. She told me I was lucky Eva wasn't older than twelve. When I asked why, she said I wouldn't receive Food Stamps if she were older than twelve. Perhaps the laws have changed ( I certainly hope so) but I was shocked that a child would be allowed to starve at the sweet young age of twelve. We left that office with nothing.
When we got back to our neighborhood in the city, it hit me hard that, in a few days, there would not be a Thanksgiving dinner. As we walked down our block and past our neighbors, I knew I needed to do something, but I didn't know what that something was. As we came closer to our house, Eva looked down on the sidewalk and laying near the grass was a $20 bill. Now we didn't live in a middleclass neighborhood; we lived above a hooker and across the street from a brother and sister who had 5 children together. Someone would have known if they were missing $20. Eva picked up that money, and we both knew it was a gift. A small miracle; a truly needed blessing.
That $20 bought us a chicken and some bread and a few other much needed supplies. We have remembered this story, and never forgotten what it feels like to have so little and to be thankful for so much.
I did get Food Stamps. They came to my house, they checked me out, and in the end I was given assitance. I also made the call to my Dad, who hadn't talked to me in years. He wanted nothing to do with a girl who had a baby at 17. But I told him my plan, and he agreed Eva and I could move home while I went to school. I had to sign a contract. Yep, my Dad was tough on me. But I did what I said I would do. I followed his rules, I went to school and I finished and had my own apartment in less than 2 years.
So the other day, while I was in line buying groceries to cook dinner for my Dad, the young man in front of me was having a problem paying for his very simple list of groceries. I noticed he was buying a large pack of hamburger that had been discounted because of the age of the package. He had a loaf of white bread and a small bag of buns. What he didn't have was enough money on his EBT card to pay for them. I could see he was embarrassed. It took several times for the cashier to accomplish his payment, as he had to get some cash out of his wallet. I wanted to help him, but I knew he wouldn't have allowed it. He was a Dad, with two young boys and I knew how he felt.
There are, without a doubt, people who take advantage of things. I would be surprised if anyone could tell me they hadn't siezed an opportunity to try and get a deal or find a bargain. Food Stamps are not a good deal. They are a way to keep a family from starving. They are a blessing to many, and a huge embarassment as well. For those who abuse them..shame on them. But for the majority they are what keeps their family's fed.
I hope, when you see people using an EBT card, you can recognise how fortunate a country we are to be able to help the needy. My Aunt Jane, who has been a Nun for over 60 years told me once; It isn't about those who abuse the system, it is about those who need it.
